The Kraken has been released anew, but this time the quirky charm of Ray Harryhausen's stop motion animation has been replaced with generic, run-of-the-mill computer animation. The original 1981 Clash of the Titans was the last of Harryhausen's cinematic efforts with producer Charles H. Schneer, and was a worthy (if cheesy) descendant of their Sinbad films and 1963's Jason and the Argonauts.
It's never wise to disrespect the gods, which also applies to gods of filmmaking. Part of the delay in pumping out this slick, Hollywood remake was in finding a director with the proper amount of reverence for the original. Louis Leterrier (Unleashed, The Incredible Hulk) is a talented visualist, but he was doomed from the start by the uninspired script (written by just about everyone, including at one time Lawrence Kasdan.)
Gods And Mortals Face Off (And Pout) In Clash Of The Titans
The old film's loose adaptation of Greek mythology has been further tweaked, but the story is essentially the same. Perseus (Worthington, now hailed as the CGI blockbuster "go-to guy"), the secret son of Zeus (a grumpy Liam Neeson), is sacrificed to the sea only to fall into the care of Pete Postlethwaite's kindly fisherman Spyros. Thus, a demigod is brought up as a mere mortal until an encounter with the wrath of Hades (Ralph Fiennes with a frog in his throat) upends his world.
Caught in a battle between the men of the city Argos and the gods, Perseus is here a rage-filled, stubborn mook. He blames Hades for the fate of his family, and ultimately needs to conquer the god's pet beastie the Kraken in order to weaken and destroy the fiery villain. Or something. Meanwhile, a fraternal fracas ensues on Mount Olympus as Hades convinces Zeus to free him from his hellish exile to scare the ungrateful humans into worshiping the gods yet again.
Sam Worthington Is Stabbing Creatures In Slow Motion - Again
Those looking for allegory may have fun applying some of the ensuing story tropes to modern day issues of government, religion and the economy. Still, to do so is giving this mess of a story far too much credit. If only the experience was fun enough to qualify as a guilty pleasure, but these less than epic adventures are drab affairs that only rank a notch or two above those of the straight to video Scorpion King sequel.
Perseus (who must be important, because people tend to randomly utter his name - with gravity) refuses all help from the gods (including a nifty predecessor to the lightsaber) in order to prove his manliness, and sets out on ill-defined quests with a group of stoic Praetorian Guardsmen. Mads Mikkelson (Casino Royale, King Arthur) is a welcome sight as lead guard Draco, but the rest of the team seem culled from any given '80s fantasy film.
A New Take On Perseus' Tale That Feels Decades Old
There are the seemingly insane hunters who join the party for the promise of impending danger (before they quickly exit the script with nary an impact), the old man prone to uttering bon mots (that feel like they were belched out by an action film cliché computer program) and the strange, Fremen-like desert warrior that seems like something straight out of the 1983 fantasy cheapie Krull. Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) also joins in to add a dash of femininity to the macho affair, but her character Io mostly stands around on the sidelines.
Perseus still confronts three blind witches for a solution to his dilemma and is pestered by Jason Flemyng's Calibos (now a satyr-ized King Acrisius as opposed to Thetis' son in the original), whose blood can spawn massive scorpions (that are now rideable in a Lord of the Rings, 300 fashion.) The ensuing battle is a sad sign of things to come, delivering uninspired thrills and a slo-mo sequence lifted right out of the first Transformers film. Much of what follows feels more borrowed (like a very King Kong-esque virgin sacrifice) than homage.
Louis Leterrier And Crew Fail To Best The Artistry Of Ray Harryhausen
The utter foolishness of remaking such a cult classic becomes unavoidably evident during the encounters with Medusa in the underworld. This CGI snake woman is poorly rendered, and her plastic face is somehow less convincing than the twitchy, hand-manipulated armature in the old film. Likewise, a bigger, better, blacker Pegasus seems goofier as a photorealistic winged horse. The Kraken itself is well-realized, but is ultimately nothing more than a very detailed spin on Return of the Jedi's Rancor monster.
While die-hard fans of the original will not take kindly to these updates, they'll also groan at the quick cameo (and shocking disrespect) of the robotic owl Bubo. Adding further insult to injury is the disastrous implementation of 3-D layering. Added after the fact (because 3-D fever is running high), the effect is largely absent for the bulk of the film - appearing only to obfuscate Leterrier's imagery and annoy the viewer. The 3-D version of this film is essentially a scam, which would be more of a shame if the affected drama were a true saga instead of just truly soggy. Grade: D
- Clash of the Titans (2010)
- Directed by: Louis Leterrier
- Written by: Lawrence Kasdan, Travis Beacham, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi
- Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton
- Running time: 118 minutes
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