Wes Craven's 1972 exploitation queasefest The Last House on the Left has bloomed into a fascinating nugget of cinematic nastiness, mainly because it's been routinely labeled as wholly irredeemable by critics. The 16mm grindhouse throwaway became ingrained in the world's cultural memory based on its catchy marketing scheme and notorious reputation, and is often agreed upon as a prime example of when a film fails to become art due to its celebration of violence for violence's sake.
That is, until some party pooper eventually brings to light the revelation that the gruesome pic was in some ways a meditation on the horrors of the Vietnam War. With the cultural saturation of modern war coverage and a deluge of so-called "torture porn" films (Saw, the brilliant Hostel) desensitizing the public to real atrocity, perhaps 2009 is the perfect time to rework the nastiest of the original "video nasties". Yet such a feat would require a concrete vision, something director Dennis Iliadis fails to bring to the table.
A New Last House On The Left - Just Keep Repeating To Yourself, "It's Only A Bad Movie"
This particular rehash is essentially faithful to the source film, and begins with the grisly rescue of a vicious sociopath named Krug (Garret Dillahunt). Krug's crew of bloodthirsty ne'er-do-wells are thus free to wreak havoc on a small, rustic town just as the squeaky clean Collingwood clan arrives for a quiet vacation at the family lake house.
Faster than you can say "weed is bad", virtuous daughter Mari (Sara Paxton) borrows the keys for an ill-fated rendezvous with her old chum Paige (Superbad's Martha MacIsaac). The latter girl's lust for dope lands them both in the acquaintance of the cute-yet-creepy Justin (Spencer Treat Clark), the implausibly angelic son of madman Krug.
The ensuing motel room bacchanalia gets harshed by the sudden arrival of Justin's travelling murder circus of a family - including his uncle Francis (Aaron Paul) and his father's sadistic, mega-annoying girlfriend Sadie (Riki Lindhome). What follows is a slow burn road trip that ultimately erupts into a marathon festival of taunting, stabbing and raping within the deep woods.
The twist (already revealed in the trailers) is that the killers find themselves in need of assistance, and come knocking at the door of the Collingwood home. Mari's parents Emma (Monica Potter) and John (Tony Goldwyn) are more than happy to help fellow men in dire straits, but upon learning what has befallen their daughter, their quaint guest house becomes the stage for unbridled revenge.
Director Dennis Iliadis Pulls His Punches
There are a number of reasons why this film falls short of its mark, the most egregious being its lack of commitment to brutalizing the audience (rape scene notwithstanding). In this version Mari lives through her ordeal, thereby robbing the second half of much needed emotional resonance.
The film wants to examine human nature and show that protective parents can be more bestial than the most savage of predators, but the Collingwoods' sudden bloodthirstiness far overshadows their motive. This "Last House" should have been a destination for spirit-crushing terror, but this prettier version is merely a needlessly unpleasant pit stop. Film: 3/10
Audio/Video Quality: Unrated Last House On The Left DVD Is Black & Blue All Over
The standard definition Universal Home Entertrainment DVD yields a picture that is a bit of an enigma. At times shadow detail is impressive (especially in the opening nighttime montage of trees), yet at others it appears washed out and murky.
Colors occasionally pop (such as the red paint of a boat house), but apart from some interior shots the picture lacks punch. Whites are rendered a jaundiced yellow, and blacks routinely grow blue. This may be an artifact of the intended cinematography, as there is a notable bluish color timing shift once the main "attack" scene begins.
The Dolby Digital 5.1 audio is well presented, if largely uneventful. By far the most amazing piece of demo material is the rumbling bass provided by the intro company credits. The score by John Murphy is well rendered and occasionally moving (such as the eerie, one-note death knell leading up to the heroines' battle with Krug and company), yet is often overly similar to his work on 28 Days Later. A/V Quality: 6/10
Extras: More Gore And Wes Craven Loses His Mind!
It's as if Universal were well aware of this film's quality, as the DVD contains little of interest in the way of extras. There's not even a director's commentary, but we do gain roughly eight minutes of useless deleted scenes. The icing on the cake is more insult to injury, as the sole included "featurette" is a two minute fluff piece complete with Wes Craven fawning over the remake and declaring it the superior piece. Sorry, Wes! Extras: 2/10
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